ch ch ch changes

it is so strange how different i am now.  i am ready to move on.  move out.  get a big yard in the country and cook for my family.  yeah, i want to be the homemaker mother that feminists hate.  but hey, its all about a return to traditionalism.  sometimes i wish i had ambition, but for the first time in my life i wouldnt change a thing.  i am more independant.  i know what i am passionate about and i am willing to stand up for it and make a change.  all i want is to make a change.  i want to love and to make the world love.  big changes.  all i need is ten more credit hours and i am done with this stage of my life.  crazy. 

i am sorry i am so busy.  i am sorry i have no time for people.  everything that matters to me and that is most important in life isnt reflected in the way i am living right now and for this i am sorry.  i miss you like crazy.  next semester WILL be different.    

i wish i could skip right to christmas and then to spring.  i love nature but i hate being cold. 

i sang out loud in the woods monday.  noone knew.  i love secrets.  it was real warm and i thought to myself, i could totally walk around nude and noone would know.  haha, my mind cracks me up. but it was beautiful and i appreciated it. 

i saw an old couple walking hand and hand down the brick street in gas city surrounded by sunlight and colorful fall leaves.  and for the first time i couldnt wait to be old and fulfilled.  i love marion.  i love the people in marion.  i will miss it.   

god what are you trying to teach me?  i thought i was done.  i hate that i cant wait to graduate b/c of it. 

i have to go count the drawer